“This time I am alone. This time I will not leave”

I think they call this low grade depression. It is not fatal, it will resolve itself eventually, I suppose.

I do not sleep very well at night, so I end up sleeping through most of my days. Watch TV. Out of the hundreds of channels available to me, I have the thing tuned to a crime fiction channel and so I end up watching endless re-runs of Cold Case and Silent Witness. Read a lot of crime fiction too. All of these loner detective types with destroyed personal lives. I think that is precisely why the likes of me so totally revel in this pulp…

I am on a sabbatical leave, supposedly writing up my PhD dissertation. Traveling for research related to that – ostensibly… I have conference papers to write, meetings to go to. Things to see, people to do – that would be me. Like, just now someone called me up to invite me to an art opening this evening. Will I go? Of course not. Some handy excuse will come along I am sure.

Sometimes I go and buy clothes though. Stuff I have no need for, that I have no inclination to wear even. Where to anyway, given that I do not even want to go out?

Second Life seems to have become a place of employment these days. I log in to get material for the npirl blog. Or sometimes I log in to clean out my inventory. All these clothes… RL… SL… All dressed up and nowhere to go – that would be me. There is a bit left on the Eastern shore under the water at Syncretia that I could conceivably build, but then I seem to have a real horror of doing so: Once that is done then I am done there. I will have no more prims left. And the place has to stay as it is till the end of January because of this exhibit anyway. Can’t really touch it.

So, into this emotional wasteland Truthseeker rezzed the Singularapture this week. While we were busy there today Jedda Zenovka, who was with us, gave me a glorious photo of the view from her RL veranda: A rain forest.

The Singularapture looks so unbelievably beautiful where it is now at Syncretia. And in my inventory I have a snapshot of a rain forest from the other side of the globe.

And then this text floated over my head in Second Life the other day:

“This time I am alone.
This time I will not leave.”

Just about sums it up, doesn’t it?

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